He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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