Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
