i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
