But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
