Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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