Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
