I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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