but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
