i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
even my farts smell like vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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