My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
