I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
