Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
