Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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