On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
