I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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