It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
