dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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