I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Will exercising make me less horny?
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