i think my tv is drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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