I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
