I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
