why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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