she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
