NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
