We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
