im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
