dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
