I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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