dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
FUCK WHALES
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