yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am one with the molecules
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
