these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize