I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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