dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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