We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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