Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
