the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
