Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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