i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
