I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Never joke about your clitoris.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
