dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
