..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
