we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's shark week go big or go home
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
