it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drake has all the answers
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
