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i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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