I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
