The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
