I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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