I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
