Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
