The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
