wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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