pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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