Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
