I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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