just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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