CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
