that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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