What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
