upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
