I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
