ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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