I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize