Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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