2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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