White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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