I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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