he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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