This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My pussy is not your playground.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
